I am a writer.
Since I was a little girl, my love of writing has been the fuel that keeps my passion stoked. When I don’t write, I curl up and begin to die. I know it’s dramatic…but it’s the truth.
So, why then did I take 9 months off from publishing content?
At first it was by accident. Writing free blog posts doesn’t pay the bills. I needed to monetize my website and my unresolved issues with mixing money and magick left me paralyzed. Despite having worked hard to improve my money mindset, I was still held captive by my fear of stepping into power.
I needed some deep shadow work.
When the shadows beckon, I’ve learned you have two options.
Go toward it.
Or run away and ignore it’s presence.
Pain is involved either way, but manifests in two different forms.
The pain of shadow work is the pain that creates life. It pushes you outside of your boundaries. It’s a healing pain that throws you in the fires of redemption and singes your soul until you’re cleansed of the dross that has weighed you down for so long. It’s the pain of giving birth, the pain of expansion, of creation and evolution and growth – like the tearing of the membrane as a seedling bursts from the soil, eager to play its role in nature.
Running away causes a different kind of agony. The fear of approaching the shadow sends you running in the opposite direction, towards the searing illumination of blinding light.
Like a moth to a flame, we flee to our own demise. We wear the harshness of light like a cloak and try to make ourselves invisible. We erase our individuality and force our flame to be out shined and made irrelevant. We do anything to keep from being seen. To let the forces around us control our movements. It’s the pain of death, of giving up and giving in, of rushing back into the void of the cosmos because the heaviness of the material world has become too burdensome – like the soul is scraping at the insides, trying to tear itself free from a vessel that’s failed to fulfill its purpose.
I chose the second path.
What’s worse, is I twisted and manipulated my spiritual journey to make myself okay with it. I lied and told myself that I needed another hermitage. That I needed more time to study…to earn more credentials…for the political climate to settle down…for more money to be stashed away in my bank account.
The truth is…
… I was getting bombarded with freelance articles and requests from clients. My fear of having to go back to a 9 to 5 was unbearable. I would do anything to stay with my babies, to build the life I wanted. To keep from being chained to someone else’s schedule.
… I didn’t want to share my articles online anymore. I didn’t want my words to be distorted and ripped to shreds on Reddit forums. I didn’t want people to roll their eyes and post rude comments on my social media.
… I allowed my fear of internet trolls dictate whether I would continue walking down my path.
The interesting thing about running away is that you end up exactly at the place you were afraid of going. Like a hamster running in its wheel, you think you’re escaping from your shadows, but really, you’re just rushing head long into the darkness.
So, I gnashed my teeth, cut my hair to break my spiritual contract, and became flooded with anxiety and guilt. I blamed everyone else, my circumstances, Donald Trump, technology. I distracted myself with goals that would pull me further from my center, so I could feel like I was moving somewhere…anywhere.
I realized some time ago what I had done. Yet, once you’ve come back around to the shadowy places, there’s no way out but through.
So, I succumbed to the work that was to be done. I embraced the pain and allowed myself to feel it.
What did I learn from my days of escape, death and rebirth?
That resurrection isn’t a one-time event. It’s a lifelong process. I’ve also realized the power of stepping into the unknown. Ironically, and without intention, I have finally emerged from the depths of the cave exactly 9 months after my fall from grace. Though my eyes may still be adjusting to the light, and my feet tread softly on the shore, I’m ready once again to step back into the light and ride the next wave.
I hope you’ll come along for the journey. It’s gonna be a wild ride : )
Image Sources: By Ellin Beltz (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons and By original photo by Chris Nas : File:AraPacisReliefTellusMater.JPG. - Photo taken by Chris Nas, GFDL, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6210278
Words are magick. There’s a reason why the infamous political consultant Frank Luntz, and the author of “Words That Work” is paid such hefty fees from politicians, business moguls and PR strategists. Language is symbolism in its strongest form, because it’s tied up not only in visual representations, but in all of our senses. We have to use our minds to accurately formulate our thoughts into a tangible expression. Then we use our lips or our pens to birth the creation into reality. Interpreting language also usually requires a certain level of cooperation, the ability to listen or read and engage in communication with other humans. It’s powerful, and we all know that the politicians and the wealthy elite of this world rarely shy away from the things that will bring them more power.
I love words, which is why writing and reading are one of my absolute favorite things to do in life. It's incredible that thoughts can become tangible things like books that we can hold in our hand, speeches that we can record and watch again or music albums that we can listen to on repeat when we’re feeling emotional. Which is why I have a tendency to pay extra close attention to the words that get repeated over and over again in the media. It’s safe to say that news organizations and political party leaders understand how important words are, and are very good at using language to psychologically persuade the masses in one direction or another. And there is one very particular example of this word manipulation that is really starting to get under my skin.
And the mispronounced phrase, “war on terra” (not terror)
Why do I care?
Because when I go to google and type in the word Isis, this is what I would like to see, and what I would have seen only a few years ago.
And now, this is what I see….and it breaks my heart.
For someone who has dedicated herself to supporting and cultivating the sacred feminine, it is horrifying and disturbing that the word has become corrupted by this. People may say that the two are not related, that it isn’t on purpose, that it doesn’t really matter what we call them, it’s just a word.
That unfortunately doesn’t seem to be the case. Just last year a bookstore in Colorado that has been well known and respected in the spiritual community for a long time had to change its name from Isis Books to Goddess Isis Books because they kept getting vandalized by the local community. And while a few politicians like Obama have begun using more appropriate names for the terrorist organization like ISIL or Daesh, far more continue using ISIS.
Then add to it the fact that both Donald Trump and George Bush insist on using the phrase “war on terra” instead of “war on terror” is another slap in the face. Many may argue that it’s just their accent, but they both do it in a significant number of their speeches, despite coming from two completely different parts of the country. Also, do career politicians and businessmen not educate themselves on public speaking? I’ve heard both of them use similar words that end in -or or -er and the result is not the same.
Of course, there’s absolutely no way to know for certain if it’s subconscious or a direct attack on the sacred feminine. What I do know is that it is doing potentially irreversible damage to the Goddess’ image once again. I can’t watch a debate without hearing the words “ISIS” and “War on Terra” multiple times.
In ancient Egypt, symbols were held with great respect and awe. Heiroglyphs were not just a way to jot down notes, they were highly regarded and believed to hold great magick and energy. So much so that when a new Pharaoh took power, first on the agenda was to physically marr and destroy the written names of the former King. Doing so was a way to wipe them out of the minds and records of the people, and to energetically destroy their spirit and influence. Whether this is simply instinct, or more ill intended, the result is still the same. The Goddess’ name is being run through the mud, and it has to stop.
Those women who have fought hard for equality, to be seen as strong and worthy of the abundance of life, need to stand up for ourselves and refuse to let the symbols of feminine power be associated with the destructive forces of terrorism. This is a real threat, not only spiritually and energetically, but historically as well. In this digital age, who knows what information will survive the future, and it’s more important than ever before that we preserve the few images and words that bring strength and glory to the feminine before we have none left. It seems to me that the majority of the language and images that exist to describe the “ideal woman” have been constructed by men and patriarichal society in general.
It seems that this entire campaign has been a battle of the sexes, highlighted by Donald Trump’s constant public ill treatment of women.
Whether it’s conscious or not isn’t the point. As above so below. The way we feel on the inside, is echoed in our actions. Reality is democratic. Whatever the group feels, there will be a collective manifestation of that desire and societal ideal. As long as the agenda of powerful people is dominance over the natural resources of earth, they will subconsciously dominate women and everything that symbolizes the earth in the microcosm of humanity. If we fail to heal the desire to conquer the planet, rather than embrace our role as nourishers and cultivators of our beautiful Terra, then that failure will likely be reflected in the men and women we choose to rule our world.